Here are headlines you might have missed:

A study found that similarities between romantic partners doesn’t affect the quality or durability of the relationship. The study has real-life use, notably for men at clubs: “See, just because you’re disgusted by how I look doesn’t mean we can’t work—how ‘bout that number?’”

Scientists have discovered microplastics in humans as far as their reproductive fluids. In an interview, microplastics say their inspiration for inserting themselves everywhere in our lives were the words ‘Epstein files.’

A study revealed anger in women decreases with age and the further along they are into their menopause. At press time, the news hadn’t reached Judge Judy’s face.

A patent shows Netflix plans to create technology that will personalize trailers based on data it knows about viewers. For example, the streamer will show to viewers creeped out by its data access trailers of The Substance where it’s your face cringing out of Demi Moore’s back.

In Vancouver, Canada, a cabinet minister says she’s ‘fortunate’ to have just half a dozen death threats from random citizens. “Some people have all the luck,” said someone with one dozen threats.

A chimpanzee study has revealed that their offspring can survive thanks only to the help of their female friends, whether or not the children’s fathers are around. The study on men’s uselessness was funded by every other Michelle Obama statement about Barack.

A study recently dispelled the myth that left-handers are more creative as long-believed. But not everybody known for their creativity is convinced: “Ha! Shows how much you know, I hail Hitler with my right hand,” said Kanye.

In an effort to represent all women, Barbie’s launched the first doll with type 1 diabetes. Mattel cited “cosmic impossibility” to explain its inability at creating a Barbie that never says ‘I’m not like other girls.’

A new restaurant in Dubai will use an AI program to create recipes with discarded menu ingredients. The concept of turning ‘discarded ingredients’ into profits was first created with the Filet-O-Fish.